Executive coach and author Marshall Goldsmith wrote, “Feedback is a gift that only other can give.”  If that is so, why do so many people have trouble giving and receiving feedback?
A lot of it has to do with power. Our motive may be to control people if we give feedback to someone. And our reluctance to accepting feedback is probably a resistance to change. 

It can be helpful to get clear on the purpose of feedback before we give it.  Here we will explain five different types of feedback and ideas for handling each type. 

Evaluation Feedback: This is the feedback type that is found the most in the workplace.It’s also the least helpful. Evaluation feedback comes at the end. The end of the performance year. The end of the week-long class. The end of a project.  Sure it’s helpful for all us to gauge how we did, and we may use evaluation feedback to improve next time.  But why not give and get feedback when we can learn from it real time?

Real-Time Performance Feedback: This type of feedback generally comes from a boss or someone whose own success depends on you.  While it may be couched as an observation or something for you to think about, when someone shares performance feedback, they intend for you to change your behavior.

When you sense that someone is trying to give performance feedback, it may help you both to get very clear.  Try asking, “what exactly would you like me to stop or start doing?” And once you hear what they have to say, be willing to change!

Fine-Tuning: With this type of feedback, you generally are hearing from someone who is very satisfied with the job you are doing, but see some areas where you can improve even more. One of the best examples I can give of fine-tuning feedback came from someone who participated in a course I gave.  She told me she enjoyed my course and then asked if she could share some feedback.  She shared that when I nodded my head while listening to people in the audience, it made her feel as though I was rushing.  WOW!  I had no idea that my head nodding was having this effect on the audience, so her feedback blew me away.

The key to giving fine-tuning feedback is to share the impact a behavior has on you or others.  The person who is giving you feedback doesn’t want to change you or even to control you in some way. The person receiving the feedback has the chance to decide whether to change or not change, the person giving the feedback is merely sharing how they are impacted.

Feed-Forward: Goldsmith came up with this one years ago. It happens when you suggest to someone how to behave in advance of an action, rather than wait for after and risk failure. A great example of this type of feedback is when my husband gave his first presentation to the executive leaders in his company.  Before the presentation, his boss coached him on how much detail to include in his presentation, what he shoud wear, when he was expected to speak and more.

Slap Upside the Head: Two years ago, a colleague who is also a great friend sat me down and said, “You are making yourself and others miserable.  What do you think you’re doing?”

Only very good friends can give slap upside the head feedback.  It involves personal feedback that people share out of concern and caring. In his book, Who’s Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi gives some great examples of this feedback along with the assertion that we all desperately need people in our lives who care enough to give it.

The person who gives slap upside the head feedback isn’t trying to control you or change you for their sake. They speak up because they know where you want to be and see that you are getting in your own way.
Summary
Those giving feedback:  Think through before giving feedback what the most appropriate form would be to achieve the intention you have for it.Remember that if you are not in a position of authority, evaluation feedback is not appropriate.  You can lead a horse to water . . .

If you are on the receiving end:  Keep in mind that we all are blind to certain things about ourselves, and feedback is one of the few ways to discover those things about ourselves.   Even if you ultimately disagree with the feedback, accept it as a gift from the person giving it. If it’s evaluation or performance feedback, you have a chance to change in order to do better in the eyes of others.  If it’s fine-tuning or slap upside the head feedback, you have the choice to change or not.

Wendy Mack is a consultant, speaker, and change catalyst who specializes in helping leaders mobilize energy for change, For more articles and resources on leading and communicating change visit: www.WendyMack.com.