Parents can find it very hard to understand all the changes that they have gone through. The arrival of kids can make a huge difference and really change the way that they looked at the relationship and at the very structure of the partnership.
What may have been a perfectly happy marriage can become, rather quickly, a rocky road. Delicate adjustments are needed by both people here as they try and right the boat and this can apply whether you have had kids before, or not. Maintaining a happy and successful relationship when kids come into the equation really does require us to constantly work at our relationship with our other half.
Have a look at everything from a big perspective, especially if you begin to doubt what is happening, start to worry or even become mad. You’ve heard the phrase, “can’t see the wood for the trees”? This is particularly apt when applied to two frazzled parents who have to just keep going! From an overall perspective, both now have to take on additional jobs and become multiple role players. In a situation such as this, even more pressure can arise as each person tries to concentrate on their new role, to the detriment of the other relationships. In the case of new parents, the mum may put so much effort and attention into caring for the new arrival, that the marriage may not seem so important a priority any more.
Meanwhile, new dads can often feel a bit left out and surplus to requirements! A husband may “assume” that his wife needs overall responsibility and is the best person to look after the kids. Subconsciously or otherwise, this may result in him backing away from the relationship as a whole, even though he thinks it is the right thing.
Both parties need to watch each other and look for tell-tale signs. Some of the symptoms include a quick temper, a feeling that one cannot cope and becoming irritable. Don’t dismiss any negative vibes such as this, as if left to fester small problems tend to grow large, ugly and hard to crack.
It is always best to sit down when the kids are asleep or in school and have a heart-to-heart conversation with each other. Quietly and calmly ask your opposite half whether you are being reasonable and expect their honest replies. Remember that it is very difficult to maintain the kind of lifestyle you may have enjoyed before the children came along and understand that you now have a different set of priorities in your life.
The most important point to remember is that it will take the efforts of the team to raise the children properly and both members need to realise how much effort this will take and how it is a joint venture. Give yourselves a pat on the back and never forget that you two represent the lead team in the family!
Don’t think for a moment that this all has to be about doom and gloom! You do need to prioritise time together, but just make sure that your time represents quality time. Can you remember when you had a nice weekend away together? Plan a really nice, romantic dinner and don’t forget those meaningful, romance filled surprises, from back in the day.
Experts can often help mums with their huge challenge ahead, especially those who are still working when all this madness is going on. Generally, online life coaching focuses on real-world professional coaching, and as it is tailored toward coaching for women, it can often be a saviour when everything seems doomed.
Amanda Alexander, Director of Coaching Mums, helps pressure-cooked, stressed working mums who long for more hours in the day. Through her coaching programmes and online life coaching courses, Amanda shows mums how to create fulfilling and successful lives. For your simple 5 step guide to balance as a working mum, download our free eBook today!
