Self Improvement Millionaires

How to send really bad emails

Email is a wonderful tool and you can use it to communicate with staff and customers. Unfortunately, hardly anyone has ever had email training. This means that even people working in the same organization have wildly differing understandings of how to send email…

Here’s how to send really bad emails.

Delay your reply at least couple of weeks – this will make people think that their email program is at fault, or anti spam software has captured their message or even better make them come and ask you about it wasting more time.

- Ignore requests for information as long as you can. Ideally you should wait until after any deadline. Then ring them to say “I got your email and I am just about to deal with it”

- Under no circumstances acknowledge receipt of sensitive or important data. Obviously this should never be sent via email.

- ALWAYS WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGE TEXT IN CAPITALS.

- Use as much jargon as you want – IMHO HTH. It doesn’t matter if the other person doesn’t understand. Make them find out.

- Make sure there is a large and prominent legal disclaimer attached to every one of your messages. It is important that this should overshadow the message you’re trying to communicate. Why should you put this on a web page and link the email to it…

- Take special care to make sure that all the recipients’ email addresses are visible to everyone who reads the message. It doesn’t matter if they work outside your organization. You have given the spammers a few email addresses.

- Make sure you reply to everyone with a pointless comment. “I agree” sent to 400 people is superb…

- Make sure you don’t give them any clues as to how to contact you using the telephone. Make them go and find your phone number, they’ve got it somewhere…

- ALWAYS attach at least 3 WORD/EXCEL documents to each and every message. An extra tip is is to resend multiple versions of the same document in quick succession. You don’t have to bother about version control. Large documents will also clog up the persons Inbox, network servers or as a bonus – both…

Also not everyone might have the same version of office as you but hey – that’s their problem…

- Don’t bother spell checking your emails. You spelling is always perfect and it’s only an email anyway.

- CC things to as many people as possible – They’ve got time to read things of passing interest. It also protects you if things go wrong. Think of it as a form of free insurance.

Sending emails to an empty inbox or someone away is always sensible. They will catch up in no time when they get back..

- Help the reader to NOT prioritise reading by using bland subject headers, like “Help!” or “Information wanted!”

…and finally – Always remember people have nothing better to do than sift through your email everyday.

Have you got all that? Of course, we’re all professionals, aren’t we? We would NEVER do anything like this, would we?

Let me know if you have experienced or can suggest any other things you’ve done or seen with email.

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Mariano M. Jauco has been empowering business professionals and individuals by sharing his knowledge to produce positive change in the world. His personal development techniques and methods will allow you to reach your goals and achieve the success and prosperity you deserve.

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